Growth is painful. I wonder if that is part of the reason change can be hard. Who really enjoys experiencing or self inflicting pain? (If you do, you may consider not reading any further and seeking professional help.) There are times in life when change happens and we have no choice or control. Then there are those times of chosen change resulting in growth. It’s during those times that discomfort as well as empowerment can be felt. I recently had such an opportunity
I’ll start with I grew up in an alcoholic environment. It was so high functioning that I didn’t even realize until four years ago that it truly was such a world I had learned to operate. It wasn’t until this past December that I sought out Al-Anon. In my short time of association with this group, I have already to learned to recognize a lot of my unhealthy habits and coping mechanisms. As the first born in my family the role of hero is one that I performed with excellence.
This past Saturday, an all day workshop was going to be held and it would have been my first opportunity to attend a local area event. When I attended my regular meeting on Thursday evening we were asked who was going to attend. I explained that I was very interested and although I had to work at noon on Saturday, I was considering waking up early, hitting the gym and then attending the first session of the workshop. I knew that I was on closing duty Friday night but figured what the heck, I’ve worn a superhero cape before and I could push myself make all of this happen.
Several of the regular members of my family group were not going to be able to attend at all and I sensed that one member of our group was disappointed. This was motivation to me to be sure and attend. This is when and where I entered red flag territory. I could easily attend in order to make someone else happy and continue my codependent pattern of the past. OR, I could remember, I am on a new journey of healing and honesty. What was best for me? That’s not a question I often allowed myself to act. I knew in order to truly grow I needed to NOT push myself, to allow myself sufficient rest and to not worry about attending in order to make someone else happy.
One of the many lessons I’ve learned on my new journey is that it’s not my job to make other people happy. Another one is how to spot red flags and avoid falling into old patterns also known to me as traps. One day at a time. One step at a time. That’s how I’ll make progress on my journey.
